THE FIRST TIME I LOVED FOREVER
Narration: Somewhere I have never travelled
Gladly beyond any experience
Your eyes have their silence
In your most frail gesture are things which enclosed me
Or which I can not touch, because they are too near
The first time I loved forever
Was when you whispered my name
And I knew at once you loved me
For the me of who I am
The first time I loved forever
I cast all else aside
And I bid my heart to follow
Be there no more need to hide
Narration: Or if your wish be to close me,
I and my life will shut very beautifully suddenly
As when the heart of this flower imagines the snow
Carefully, everywhere descending
For all my life and forever
There's a truth I will always know
When my world divides and shatters
Your love is where I'll go
Narration: I do not know what it is about you that closes and opens,
Only something in me understands
The voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses
Nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Quarter 1: "Firsts"
Twenty years of my life have passed and still I was like before. Nothing new...no change at all. I still can recall all that have had happened for the past two decades...when I was two years old down to when I was 13 years old. But the most unforgettable stage of my life was on my 14th birthday.
Everyone was there. This was the first time I've held my birthday in our house (cause usualy I celebrate it at my grandmother's house). It felt like a family reunion which in our case happens every year (New Year). It was also the first time my grangparents saw our newly bought house. It was all firsts on that day. I was the first celebrant to celebrate his birthday on the house, it was our first family owned house, first time to drink .......and first time to fall in love.
Yes it was the first time I fell in love (or so I thought)...but definitely it was the first time I ever felt my heart's beating fast and I'm running out of breath everytime I glance at this guy. Yes, he is a guy and I'm a guy too...he's straight and I'm not......well anyways, He is very cute, tall, lean, and intelligent guy. He is the cousin of our neighbor whom I grew up with. I don't know how or why but its just like magic that I was instantly draw into him.
It was really an unforgettable day for me. Angel (my neighbor whom I was talking about earlier) introduced him to me. He was very formal then. He is Marc Albert Bongat, 18 years old that time, 4th year high school at Don Bosco having his vacation here. Planning to take engineering in collge. He's innocent eyes and simple gestures made me loved him deeply everyday that passed by. Everyday we always go out together. we even ate lunch almost everyday. And that, made my heart fall for him so deeply. I loved him in secrecy. I don't know how to say my feelings to him. But everyday I loved him more and more so deeply. And then....
Vacation is almost over which rings to me as a deadend for us. I know it would be the end of my surreal fantasy of him. Countless nights I couldn't sleep because of the dilemma on whether I should tell him my feelings or hide them forever. I've decided to tell him my feelings for I couldn't hide it anymore. And then, the day came when I had to tell him my feelings...It was the perfect timing..his cousin went out and we are all alone together..just listening to some mellow music.
"I love you, Marc!!".....And he looked at me shocked. No reaction for almost 5 minutes. I was also struggling for words to say to change my first statement. And then he stood up and said. "You are still young, you don't know what is love yet. I'm very flattered that you feel that way towards me. But I already have a GIRLFRIEND". That word is the END for me. I didn't know how to react to it so what I did is to stand up and storm out of the house. I was crying hard...I cried night and day and felt like I almost cried my heart out. And then couple of days passed and I haven't gone out of the house ever since that day. My brother went in my room and gave to me a piece of paper he told me to read it.
"I 'm sorry. I don't know how to deal with that you have said but one thing for sure that I wanted to happen..let's still be friends..till the next vacation. See you...". It was only that moment that I realized he was already gone. He went home....he's not there...I'm empty.....
Everyone was there. This was the first time I've held my birthday in our house (cause usualy I celebrate it at my grandmother's house). It felt like a family reunion which in our case happens every year (New Year). It was also the first time my grangparents saw our newly bought house. It was all firsts on that day. I was the first celebrant to celebrate his birthday on the house, it was our first family owned house, first time to drink .......and first time to fall in love.
Yes it was the first time I fell in love (or so I thought)...but definitely it was the first time I ever felt my heart's beating fast and I'm running out of breath everytime I glance at this guy. Yes, he is a guy and I'm a guy too...he's straight and I'm not......well anyways, He is very cute, tall, lean, and intelligent guy. He is the cousin of our neighbor whom I grew up with. I don't know how or why but its just like magic that I was instantly draw into him.
It was really an unforgettable day for me. Angel (my neighbor whom I was talking about earlier) introduced him to me. He was very formal then. He is Marc Albert Bongat, 18 years old that time, 4th year high school at Don Bosco having his vacation here. Planning to take engineering in collge. He's innocent eyes and simple gestures made me loved him deeply everyday that passed by. Everyday we always go out together. we even ate lunch almost everyday. And that, made my heart fall for him so deeply. I loved him in secrecy. I don't know how to say my feelings to him. But everyday I loved him more and more so deeply. And then....
Vacation is almost over which rings to me as a deadend for us. I know it would be the end of my surreal fantasy of him. Countless nights I couldn't sleep because of the dilemma on whether I should tell him my feelings or hide them forever. I've decided to tell him my feelings for I couldn't hide it anymore. And then, the day came when I had to tell him my feelings...It was the perfect timing..his cousin went out and we are all alone together..just listening to some mellow music.
"I love you, Marc!!".....And he looked at me shocked. No reaction for almost 5 minutes. I was also struggling for words to say to change my first statement. And then he stood up and said. "You are still young, you don't know what is love yet. I'm very flattered that you feel that way towards me. But I already have a GIRLFRIEND". That word is the END for me. I didn't know how to react to it so what I did is to stand up and storm out of the house. I was crying hard...I cried night and day and felt like I almost cried my heart out. And then couple of days passed and I haven't gone out of the house ever since that day. My brother went in my room and gave to me a piece of paper he told me to read it.
"I 'm sorry. I don't know how to deal with that you have said but one thing for sure that I wanted to happen..let's still be friends..till the next vacation. See you...". It was only that moment that I realized he was already gone. He went home....he's not there...I'm empty.....
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